Shaded Bough Counseling

Month: August 2022

  • 5 Skills for Financial Stress Management

    5 Skills for Financial Stress Management

    Previously we’ve explored what financial stress is and how it can affect you. Now let’s learn what you can do about it. By developing your financial stress management skills, you can improve your mental and financial health.

    1. Ask for help.

    You need help. I needed help, too. It can be really hard to ask, since our culture just assumes adults know how to manage money, and being broke or in debt is often seen as a personal failing. But nobody is born knowing how to do this, and if the super-rich people out there can get help, you deserve it, too.

    “Help” can look like several things:

    • You may need money or assistance programs to help pay your bills. (FindHelp.org is a great place to start!)
    • You might need information so you can figure out what financial options are best for you.
    • You may need training in how to create a budget, use a credit card responsibly, or other skills.
    • Maybe you even need emotional support for all the stress that thinking about this brings up!

    Whatever you need, I suggest you first reach out to a friend, relative or partner you trust. Preferably someone who seems to have their finances in good shape. Tell them you’re stressed out about money and want to get to a better spot. Ask this person to help you figure out what to do.

    If you don’t have anyone, churches and community services can usually point you towards someone who can help. The online community /r/personalfinance is a great place to ask questions and get ideas, too.

    2. Build your money skills.

    Financial literacy is your ability to understand and make financial decisions effectively. People with high financial literacy are “good with money.” They’re also less stressed about money, even if they go into debt, because they know how to get back out of it.

    Here are some great places to improve your financial literacy:

    • That same friend or relative who seems to have their finances sorted out. Ask them how they did it. Do they use a budget? Do they use credit cards? How do they decide what to buy and what to save?
    • /r/personalfinance. Not only can you ask questions, but they also have a wiki with answers to common issues, and a flowchart that helps sort your goals into concrete steps.
    • YouTube! When I was new and clueless, I searched for “personal finance 101” and listened to videos while working out and doing chores. Avoid anyone who’s trying to sell you something or says you can get rich easily.
    • Investopedia’s personal finance section! This is like the Wikipedia of money, and they won’t try to sell you things you don’t need.

    3. Take breaks when you get overwhelmed.

    Okay, that is a lot of info in those resources I linked. My brain got fried when I first tried learning this stuff, but then, I was starting with very little know-how. I had to pull myself away from the computer, focus on other people and hobbies, and take breaks. A lot.

    If your finances are screwy, you won’t fix them in a week, or a month. You certainly won’t fix them by wearing yourself out with anxiety or sleep deprivation. But you will fix them if you learn a little bit at a time, and make a few changes at a time, and keep going for as many months or years it takes. Financial stress management means pacing yourself.

    4. Tackle one goal at a time.

    Taxes and budgets and loans, oh my! There are too many things demanding your money, and not enough to fill them all yet. But just as importantly, you only have so much time and energy. Pick one thing you can work towards first. The Personal Finance flowchart is a good starting point.

    You may be tempted to try to learn everything so you can make the best possible series of decisions. But if this leads to never actually making a decision, it can be a problem in itself. Some people overanalyze because they’re anxious or afraid of commitment. For others, it’s a way to procrastinate.

    You will make mistakes. Sometimes expensive ones. But if you’re not gambling or taking huge risks in the stock market, you probably won’t make your situation worse. You’ll have time later to adjust course. Just do what you can with what you’ve got right now.

    5. Mental health management = financial stress management

    Mental health can make financial stress management much tougher. Some mental health issues that get in the way are anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, compulsive shopping, gambling addiction, and substance use problems. Divorce, bereavement, homelessness, and poverty can also seriously affect your health and finances at the same time.

    Tell your friends and family if any of the above are happening to you. Like finances, it’s much easier to recover when you’ve got people in your corner. Check out support groups and mental health services in your area, using a directory like FindHelp.org or by calling 211. I also help clients work through anxiety and stress related to finances, and have a limited number of sliding-scale appointments for people in need. Contact me if you’re interested.

    I hope this article has been helpful for you! Financial stress is one of the world’s biggest causes of anxiety, but just by reading this, you’ve already taken a step toward positive changes. Good luck!

  • What are the Effects of Financial Stress?

    What are the Effects of Financial Stress?

    Last week I talked about what financial stress is. Today we’ll explore the effects on financial stress on families, relationships and mental health. It can happen to people of any income, old or young, even the smartest of us. But no matter your situation, know that you’re not alone.

    Poverty can be traumatic.

    Poverty is unpredictable, exhausting, and frequently treated as shameful. It’s a “chronic stressor,” so even when you aren’t being harassed by bill collectors and you do have food on the table, you never really feel secure. Poverty increases a person’s risk of physical and mental illness, and makes it harder to get healthcare.

    Many of my clients who grew up in poverty report that they still worry about money, even if they’re now financially secure. Others feel guilty about spending money, even on things that make them happy or healthier. It’s difficult to talk about, especially if most of your friends or family haven’t been there, so this kind of trauma can be very isolating.

    The effects of financial stress are generational.

    Most of us learn how to think about money by watching our parents. If your parents worried about how they’d pay the bills, you may worry the same way. Children who notice their parents’ financial stress often avoid asking for things because they don’t want to be a burden on their parents.

    This problem gets bigger if your family has low “financial literacy.” That’s the ability to understand and use money to achieve your goals. Low financial literacy doesn’t mean someone’s unintelligent. It just means they haven’t had the chance to learn these skills. You may have a harder time with money if your family wasn’t able to teach it to you. But just like other learned habits, this is something you can improve.

    Financial anxiety

    Although financial stress hits low-income people the hardest, it can affect people of all social classes. In particular, anxiety often manifests through how we handle our money. Money represents different things to different people: freedom, security, hope, despair, social acceptance, guilt, self-worth, and more.

    Think about what money represents to you. Is it something to save up in case of emergency? Is it a little bit of breathing room, a relief? What do you feel okay about purchasing, and what makes you feel guilty or irritated? How much time do you want to spend thinking about money, and how will you know when you have enough? What will you do if you have enough?

    These questions get complicated quickly. My clients find that discussing it in therapy helps them figure out their core values, and to overcome their deeper fears. It’s hard work, but rewarding.

    Relationship tension

    Another form of financial stress happens when two people in a family have different ideas of how money should be used. Perhaps one spouse thinks they should be more careful with what they spend. But their partner thinks they both need a better quality of life. Maybe a parent wants an adult child to start paying rent while at home – or a child is tired of bailing their parent out of debt.

    With “money” as one of the top reasons couples split up, it’s worth talking to your partner early on about how they view money, and what kind of lifestyle they want. Explore what money represents for each of you. Often, disagreements over money stem from deeper worries or needs.

    Effects of financial stress on mental illness

    One of the toughest effects of financial stress is that it makes every other problem in your life harder. It’s harder to afford doctor visits, medication or therapy if money is tight. Even if you logically know you have “enough,” money can become another reason for your brain to worry excessively. It may also exacerbate feelings of shame, guilt, low self-worth, or feeling “unproductive.” People with addictions often struggle with financial stress, too – and the financial stress can make addiction worse.

    If you need therapy but money is tight, check out FindHelp.org or Open Path Collective. It’s better to start looking early than to wait until you’re overwhelmed, because many low-cost providers have waitlists. I also counsel clients for financial stress, and have a limited number of sliding-scale appointments for people in need. Contact me if you’re interested, or check out my next article on ways to manage your financial stress!

  • What is Financial Stress?

    What is Financial Stress?

    With rising interest rates, inflation, and fears of a recession just around the corner, most Americans are dealing with a lot more financial stress. The best defense is to be prepared. Learn what financial stress is, how it affects you, and what you can do about it.

    Stressing about money – and so much more

    Financial stress occurs any time you find yourself worrying about money, the ability to pay for things, to reach your financial goals or maintain your lifestyle. It can mean worrying about whether you’ll be able to retire, raise children, get out of debt, pay for college, or more.

    Financial stress is not the same as being greedy or materialistic. Most clients I work with face financial stress because they want security, not wealth or high status. They just want to be able to enjoy their life without fearing it will be snatched away from them by bills and debt. In one of the richest countries in the world, that’s not an unreasonable ask!

    What is financial stress from a situation?

    I find it useful to distinguish whether financial stress comes from within yourself, or from the situation you’re in. This helps you identify what you need to do to address it.

    Your situation might give you financial distress if you are in poverty, live paycheck to paycheck, have irregular income throughout the year, lose your job, have a lot of debt, or encounter a disaster or sudden massive bill. The underlying question here is: How will I afford the things I need? The solution to this kind of stress has to address the situation: organizations like FindHelp.org to reduce your bills and get social support, unemployment benefits if you’re laid off, and SNAP and Medicaid to get food and medical assistance.

    However, assistance programs in the USA still have many gaps, and it’s extremely difficult for many people to get out of poverty or debt. We need institutional reform such as a single-payer healthcare system to ensure that people at all income levels can survive. But that’s another topic – let’s focus on what you can do, as an individual.

    What is financial stress from within?

    The other kind of financial stress can happen even if there is no obvious problem to cause it. You may be able to pay your bills, and see no reason why that would change, but you still worry. You might feel privileged, and like you shouldn’t complain because others have it harder, but you still feel guilty about spending money on “unnecessary” things or wonder if you need more.

    This kind of financial stress is less dramatic, but still a real fear many people struggle with. You might have grown up without much money, and worry about going back to that state. Maybe nobody taught you how to manage money effectively. Or perhaps you struggle to gauge how much you have and how much you need. If you suffer from anxiety, or general worries about your future, those often manifest as financial stress, too.

    What you can do

    My specialty is mental health, so that’s what I’ll be focusing on. For more assistance with external money issues, I recommend FindHelp.org – it’s a great directory for free and low-cost services ranging from elder care to groceries to job training, and more. They have a section for low-cost mental healthcare, too!

    I’ll be writing two more posts in this series, one on the effects of financial stress, and another for how to cope with it. For now, the most important things to know are that you are not alone, and you have a right to feel this way. Just because someone else might “have it worse” doesn’t make your stress or anxiety less real. You are not being silly or selfish by wanting to take care of yourself financially, or by not giving money to everyone in need of help.

    The most helpful thing, for me, was not trying to figure everything out alone. I had to reach out to relatives who understood money better than I did, and who were willing to teach me. Look for a friend, relative, or local class that can help you, too. (The library is a great place to ask!) Most people will not look down on you for trying to get to a better place. And if you want more intensive support – especially for handling stress, relationship, or anxiety issues at the same time – don’t hesitate to reach out for therapy.

  • Do I Need a Therapist or Psychiatrist: How to Decide

    Do I Need a Therapist or Psychiatrist: How to Decide

    Mental health services are more widely available than ever, but with that comes the question of figuring out what service is right for you. Who prescribes medication? Who can teach you coping skills? So here’s a simple explanation to help you find the right therapist or psychiatrist for you.

    What’s the difference between seeing a therapist or psychiatrist?

    Psychotherapy or counseling usually means “talk therapy.” You sit in a room with the therapist, talk about your problems, and come up with solutions together. There are variations like art therapy, play therapy, group therapy and even adventure therapy. Therapists help you build a stronger relationship with yourself and other people in your life.

    You can think of “therapist” as an umbrella term with several types:

    • Professional counselors are pretty much what most people think of as “talk therapy.” This is what I am, hello!
    • Marriage and family therapists specialize in working with couples and families.
    • Clinical psychologists have doctoral-level knowledge and sometimes work as therapists, sometimes work in institutions or community agencies.
    • Social workers may also do counseling work, may be case managers or involved in other social services.
    • Depending on where you live, there may be a lot of overlap in what these professions do. In Texas, where I work, all of these professions can diagnose and treat mental illnesses. It’s also common for one person to hold multiple licenses.

    Psychiatry is a special case! Psychiatrists are physicians (MD) who can prescribe medication for mental health. Most professionals in the previous group are not trained to prescribe medication. Appointments with psychiatrists are often shorter, more focused on symptoms and medication management, and may feel more like doctor appointments. Because, well, they are doctors. Psychiatrists can also prescribe behavioral treatments like exercise, journaling and coping skills if they choose.

    These are generalizations. Some psychiatrists are also psychologists or therapists. Psychologists with PsyD degrees can prescribe medication in certain states. When in doubt, ask the provider what working with them would look like.

    Many people get best results from working with a therapist and psychiatrist, to ensure all sides of their recovery are addressed.

    Try reaching out to a therapist if:

    • You want to get support weekly or biweekly.
    • You want plenty of time per session to explore your problems.
    • You are more interested in talk therapy, changing your behaviors, or developing coping skills than in medication.
    • You want to try couples therapy, group therapy, or another treatment psychiatrists usually don’t cover.

    Key words to look for: clinical psychologist (PhD, PsyD), LPC, LCSW, LMFT, LMHC, LCDC.

    Try a psychiatrist if:

    • You want to try psychiatric medication.
    • You want to better understand what’s going on with your brain chemistry.
    • You’re already on medication, and want an expert to help you manage it.
    • Your symptoms don’t get better from talk therapy or behavioral treatments alone.
    • You have an illness that usually needs medication for best results.
    • The therapist you want to see also happens to be a psychiatrist. They are out there!

    Key words to look for: Psychiatrist.

    If you can’t decide between a therapist or psychiatrist, try interviewing them.

    When in doubt, ask. I love it when my clients ask me what kind of work I do. It helps make sure that we’re a good fit before we start working together! And if we aren’t, I’m happy to refer them to a psychiatrist, or marriage and family therapist, or whoever is best qualified to treat them.

    Some useful questions to ask a therapist or psychiatrist are:

    • What license do you hold?
    • What do you specialize in?
    • How long are your sessions and how often would we meet?
    • Do you do talk therapy, medication, or other treatments?
    • If there’s a particular treatment I want (CBT, EMDR, art therapy…) can you provide it?
    • If not, can you refer me to someone who does?
    • How would we know if I’m getting better?

    I hope this helped you get a better idea of what to look for when seeking help. Don’t hesitate to contact me if you have questions, or if you’re interested in starting therapy for yourself.